About the hearse. I wanna pick out my hearse so everybody knows and also pick out my clothes. So everybody knows what I'll be driving in and what I'll be wearing. This may not seem important to you but I wanna know I'm gonna look good and be traveling in style. When you do go you only go once and for me once probably just isn't enough. You wanna be banging on that special day so bangingingly banged out peolple say "hey!". Is he dead or still happening man. Even when dead I'll have lots of fans. Come to my funeral if you want to see the most hipping'est, tripping'est, happening'est me.

There once was a monkey. Well hell there was alot of monkies. All named monkey. not sure who the hell named them but it was somebody so I called them monkey as well. Anyway these monkys they where playing around and swinging from trees and monkey said to monkey. "Hey Monkey can you swing like these" he said pointing to the other ones nuts so that monkey shook his nuts too. While both monkeys where swinging there nuts a third monkey came and said you two stop with the nuts. Neither stopped. So the third monkey grabbed the two nuts and squeezed. Both monkies screamed and it was completely nuts.

The point of life.
People ask me all the time what is the point of life. I am pretty sure where here because no place else would take is. Yup the world is made up of leftovers. Kinda like when your the last one picked for dodge ball. Those people who could dodge went on to better places. So if you wish to move on after this you better learn to duck....

Me vs. Spiderman
Where do we go now. I wanna know well where do we go. Here we all stay but going ain’t easy its tough. the tougher it gets the funnier I am and when I say I’m funny you better believe its true. I’m seriously one very very funny dude. What makes me so is this. People wanna know who I am right? Well I tell them I’m spider man and then I prove it. I fly planes over buildings I ride in automobiles and I sit in chairs. all the stuff spidey does. Hey if it where true that spidey was cool I’d be even cooler than spider man and I guarantee he’d be my number one fan.
Look about that spider man stuff just forget it I gotta admit that shit was pathetic. Theirs no way I could be as cool as a guy who thinks hes a spider but here’s just a reminder he was a guy before he became cool which means someday I could be a spider man too.

A little about me.
I'm a person. I look kinda funny but my funny looks are cool. If your down with funny looking people I'm a person you should be down with. I like to read and sing when I'm reading. If you like to sing and read try the two together. There is something so magical about it. I'm not looking to hook up. I'm already hooked.
I like all kinds of computers but mostly calculators. I can play with a calculator for days on end. Calculating random things from people who snore to people who drive drunk to people who don't drive because they drove drunk. The best calculator is the TI83 graphing calculator because after I calculate I can graph my results. The graphing is cool and all but the TI83 doesn't easily graph. Actually graphing with that thing can become a pain in the ass.
I like cars the faster the better. My car isn't that fast and I wish it was cause I'm constantly late.
Anyway enough about me let me tell you about my fish. I have two. Their names are Jacob and Goliath. Jacob is a trouble maker and likes to chase Goliath around the bowl. Goliath is Siamese fighting fish. Jacob is a minnow I been saving till spring for bait when I go fishing. Their both orphans because I ate thier families the poor little guys. Anyways if you would like to adopt either fish email me as soon as possible. I promise the adoption fees will be small and their both good fish. Well behaved and all.

Sobriety Check Point.
A place you can write articles and comments. Please check your sobriety at the door. If your F'd up and wanna share please share hear. Here I am writing this article and I realize I'm not wasted myself. Damn leave it to me to break my own cardinal rule

Some perv..
I just want to warn some of you there's been internet flashing going on. If you see a man in a trench coat lurking around please report him. Its your duty!

Old School vs. New School
I'm from the old school and by that I mean a school that is old. If you know the school I'm referring to you are probably from the old school too. Now if I was an old schooler and I new that the new schoolers where gonna be moving in I would have laughed. What a joke are the kids from this new school. They say kids today are smarter but that's not true cause when your an old school schooled person you know its not that there smarter its just what they teach you and I was taught that no matter what never be stupid. Now I wasn't ever stupid but alot of kids where. Mostly kids from the new school. There on drugs there getting pregnant younger and younger and they spend the whole day texting and sexting now that to me is pretty dumb. Not the sexting that sounds fun but the part that's dumb is hmmmm... lets see. Man now I'm pissed! These lucky little bastards.

I have a dog named Brownie and Brownie isn't really like a dog. Brownie is like a real person and when where together its like two unique individuals who are a lot alike. I'm actually more like Brownie than he is like me. I eat out of his dish on the floor more than he eats off my plate on the table. That's good because his manners suck. Always farting and burping slurping and chewing loud. I myself am too proud to do that kind of stuff. Enough about Brownie I'm not suppose to talk shit about him. If I do he starts talking shit about me and it gets really ugly.