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Funny
Wasting Time.
Category: Funny

I came to an opening and I thought this is the spot. The spot where time stops. It wasn't just in there time was out here and I knew it would do the damnedest thing if I didn't stop it. I reached into the hole and I pulled out time. Time was all twisted and rapped around me. It was a twisted time I spent getting time from its hole but I did it. I did. I wasn't dam slow old father time won't bother me no. I looked into the hole deeper and I seen it was true little old lady who lived in a shoe wasn't there. She must of been out but father time was home without a dam doubt. I thought look who I caught its old man freaking time. That goddamn old bastard won't do it no more. Do What? Make us old. He's caught yes dam true I have stopped all time in the whole freaking world.

    Then I thought if he gets away there's no way in hell I'm living this down. Man no way. Cause that son of a bitch is so freaking old. Older than time as the story does go. I locked him up tighter than a dam drum and I won't let him go because I'm not freaking dumb. He's slower than slow he's older than old and I caught his old ass I am unfreaking bull. Today I told time your all done. My piece is a gun your piece is a clock and either one can make your heart stop. I love the part where I am so freaking smart to have stopped time. That damn freaking fool. I kicked his old ass I'm the coolest of cool.
    Time said to me "let my ass go "and I demanded of time to stop the time now! He said he would stop it but he didn't man no. Time wouldn't stop his own clock freaking so. So I stopped times clock myself freaking true and old clock that is stopped is no good you dumb fool. So I threw him and not gently hard freaking too. I stopped freaking times clock. I did it yes true. He's deader than dead. He's so freaking slow and the only dam way I'm gonna grow old is if time starts again, but it won't. The time for time has past. What was his point of timing all us? Now I'm timing that fool to see how long it takes him to die.
Small Town
Category: Funny

I was born in a small town. People called it Small Town. Why I was there I learned a lot. I learned that people from small towns talk a lot of shit. If there was shit being talked and there always was it was usually about one of the town drunks. They musta been the usual topic of conversation for a reason. One of those reasons was because they where drunk. Drunk people do funny shit. Some of the funny shit drunk people do is fall over and in this town if a drunk fell over it was all over town. I fell over and people thought I was drunk next thing you know I'm the town drunk. People everywhere where like he is a drunk but I didn't drink all I did was fall over and I did that shit sober.

Drunk 1
Category: Funny

Well I ah thought about life and I had an idea I'lll quit my job and I'll start drinking beer. Don't remeber the rest but some how I ended up here. Ya I'm a hopeless fanatic and I'm fanatically drunk. Don't ask me to quit sorry I won't. If I can't do this gig drunk sorry I quit this must be a job for drunken dam man out there somewhere.

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