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Funny
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Category: Funny
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post dramtic syndrome
Category: Funny

I know some people with post dramtic syndrome. They are completely over dramtic after the occurance of anything ordinary or unordinary. They look at themselves and they think at all times they are the center of attention. Like they and they alone are the only thing in the universe that really makes a diffrence. Its because of these people that I want to draw attention to the rest of us who are widely over looked. We look at people that have post dramtic syndrome and expect that they are going to act rational. This is ridiculous. They will never be anything but over dramtic all of the time.

In a time of peace
Category: Funny
Tags: In a time of peace

In a time of peace thier should be peace and quiet. People making noise is cause for war. I can't stand noise and when people make noise I scream for all call to arm. I will kill all noise makers and bring an end to all peace as long as there is noise there will be peril. People who ask questions need to undersstand the reason they ask questions. Thier are to many motherfuckers asking aimless questions for no goddamn reason. They just need to know shit. It don't matter what the fuck they know as long as its something they can ask you about. My goddamn business is my goddamn business. i mind my business and you mind yours.

Problems are problems.
Category: Funny
Tags: Problems are problems.

Problems are problems but they can be solved. I can solve pretty much any problem with a very simple solution and it goes like this. If you have a problem look at it as if the problem is the answer to your prayers. Act like you are so happy to have the problem that your life has become greater than anybody's life who's around you. Then all the people around you will look at you and wonder why the fuck your so happy. When they find out it's because of the problem they will be like no way I'll fix this. Therefor fixing the problem and in most cases they will try to stop it from ever happening again.

Walking with God
Category: Funny
Tags: Walking with God

When I walk I walk with the lord or rather he walks with me. So I said "lord where we walking to?" He said "we'll know when we get there son." Now I don't care but should I trust the lord?

The Dark Forest
Category: Funny
Tags: The Dark Forest

Once upon a time in  dark forest lived a King. The King of the dark forest. He was a good King but he liked things very dark. One day things got so dark the humble people could not see. They begged the King to return light to the forest however he would not. In despair the people called upon the one person they thought could overthrow the King and return the light. The humble merchant named Merchant. Being a merchant Merchant's life depended on the light so he knew what he had to do. He grabbed his trusty sword and headed off in the direction of the Kings castle. Once he came upon the castle he scaled the 160 foot wall and silently sneaked into the kings quarters. "Yes" yelled the King as he spotted Merchant lunging towards him. "Restore all the light." Yelled Merchant. "Never" said the King of the dark forest. "Then I will behead you" yelled Merchant. "Behead me indeed" yelled the King. Once Merchant had the Kings head cut off all light returned. The moral of this story is don't get burned.

Time Warp Parody
Category: Funny

Lets look to tomorrow and tomorrow we'll look to today. When where all done looking we'll wonder what day was which cause looking to another day from another day I'm pretty sure can cause those days to switch and switching days is serious business. It can cause a time warp parody when you do so be careful. However if you do cause a time warp parody there is only one way to stop it. You need a ouija board a watch and the gumption to do this. What you do is stand on your head and have some body place the ouija board on your feet and time yourself while communicating with the dead. If you have at least a three hour conversation with a dead person they can tell you how to stop it. Got to be at least three hours as it is a lot of information. You must also be alone during the conversation. Like I said its a lot of information so you need to take notes. If you fall off your head during the conversation you have to recontact the spirit. It can not be another spirit must be the very same spirit.

Some People
Category: Funny

Man some people think I'm Super Man. They expect me to leap tall buildings and all that jazz. Sorry its me no super powers and at best average athletic skills. Man you better call somebody else. I know you needed me today but I am not gonna make a fool of myself trying to win this thing. I know people have told you I'm good and I am but not that good. Yes I'm afraid to say I do not live up to the hype. Sorry but its a disappointment even I have to live with.

Old School Vs, New School.
Category: Funny

  I'm from the old school and by that I mean a school that is old. If you know the school I'm referring to you are probably from the old school too. Now if I was an old schooler and I new that the new schoolers where gonna be moving in I would have laughed. What a joke are the kids from this new school. They say kids today are smarter but that's not true cause when your an old school schooled person you know its not that there smarter its just what they teach you and I was taught that no matter what never be stupid. Now I wasn't ever stupid but alot of kids where. Mostly kids from the new school. There on drugs there getting pregnant younger and younger and they spend the whole day texting and sexting .Now that to me is pretty dumb. Not the sexting that sounds fun but the part that's dumb is hmmmm... lets see. Man now I'm pissed! These lucky little bastards.

Sobrierty Check Point
Category: Funny

A place you can write articles and comments. Please check your sobriety at the door. If your F'd up and wanna share please share here. Here I am writing this article and I realize I'm not wasted myself. Damn leave it to True* to break his own cardinal rule.

Oblivion
Category: Funny
   I drank myself into oblivion and I got unto that spot and I thought about the spot I was in and why the spot was spotted. I mean I saw a lot of spots and a lot of big white blotches. I couldn't understand the blotches or the spotted spot and I drank until I eventually passed out. When I woke again I looked upon the spot but I couldn't see the spot or the blotches and I thought that's a very interesting spot. Oblivion dam true I'll hit that spot again my friend come one day you fool.
The Tower of Terror
Category: Funny

  I came to a tower. The tower of terror. I said to "tower yo you don't terrify me at all. No man no." The tower said upon me "you must know that a tower that is terrifying is scary don't you?" I said "whats so terrifying about a tower?" and the tower said to me "I can scare the daylights out of you just let me try." So I said "go for it" and the tower he did cry. He said "I'm the terror tower so you better cry with me cause I'm not terrifying you just wait and see." I was terrified the tower was sad and upset so I started crying. Upon realizing I'd been tricked I laughed at the tower thinking this was quick. The tower said upon me "see my friend I won." "I said how so?" The tower said "cause you laughed instead of cried" and I sighed cause I knew I was tricked if I cried or I laughed at the tower the tower's little trick had worked and I knew the second the tower said it I was friggen fooled

A poor jay.
Category: Funny

While walking through the park whistling I came across a Jay. Well that's what it was a Jay. I thought does this Jay know how to fly? Being the nice guy that I am I picked it up and threw it into the air. The jay crashed down causing me much worry. What on earth do I do now? So I took the Jay home and have been feeding him birdseed and worms. I have tried to demonstrate flying to him many times by running around flapping my arms in his presence. I think he is starting to catch on. I can tell because his look of confusion and being dumbfound when I do this has changed to a look of understanding. Tomorrow to simulate the way a mother Jay teaches her birds to fly by pushing them out of the nest I am going to climb a tall tree and drop her. This may sound harsh to some but I am devastated over having to do this. I really hope the Jay flies. Although this is going to be hard on both of us I have been reading books on tough love and I really think this is the best way. If you have any advice on bringing up a baby bird or even a toddler who was a slow walker I could really use your advice. Thanks.

Wasting Time.
Category: Funny

I came to an opening and I thought this is the spot. The spot where time stops. It wasn't just in there time was out here and I knew it would do the damnedest thing if I didn't stop it. I reached into the hole and I pulled out time. Time was all twisted and rapped around me. It was a twisted time I spent getting time from its hole but I did it. I did. I wasn't dam slow old father time won't bother me no. I looked into the hole deeper and I seen it was true little old lady who lived in a shoe wasn't there. She must of been out but father time was home without a dam doubt. I thought look who I caught its old man freaking time. That goddamn old bastard won't do it no more. Do What? Make us old. He's caught yes dam true I have stopped all time in the whole freaking world.

    Then I thought if he gets away there's no way in hell I'm living this down. Man no way. Cause that son of a bitch is so freaking old. Older than time as the story does go. I locked him up tighter than a dam drum and I won't let him go because I'm not freaking dumb. He's slower than slow he's older than old and I caught his old ass I am unfreaking bull. Today I told time your all done. My piece is a gun your piece is a clock and either one can make your heart stop. I love the part where I am so freaking smart to have stopped time. That damn freaking fool. I kicked his old ass I'm the coolest of cool.
    Time said to me "let my ass go "and I demanded of time to stop the time now! He said he would stop it but he didn't man no. Time wouldn't stop his own clock freaking so. So I stopped times clock myself freaking true and old clock that is stopped is no good you dumb fool. So I threw him and not gently hard freaking too. I stopped freaking times clock. I did it yes true. He's deader than dead. He's so freaking slow and the only dam way I'm gonna grow old is if time starts again, but it won't. The time for time has past. What was his point of timing all us? Now I'm timing that fool to see how long it takes him to die.
Small Town
Category: Funny

I was born in a small town. People called it Small Town. Why I was there I learned a lot. I learned that people from small towns talk a lot of shit. If there was shit being talked and there always was it was usually about one of the town drunks. They musta been the usual topic of conversation for a reason. One of those reasons was because they where drunk. Drunk people do funny shit. Some of the funny shit drunk people do is fall over and in this town if a drunk fell over it was all over town. I fell over and people thought I was drunk next thing you know I'm the town drunk. People everywhere where like he is a drunk but I didn't drink all I did was fall over and I did that shit sober.

Drunk 1
Category: Funny

Well I ah thought about life and I had an idea I'lll quit my job and I'll start drinking beer. Don't remeber the rest but some how I ended up here. Ya I'm a hopeless fanatic and I'm fanatically drunk. Don't ask me to quit sorry I won't. If I can't do this gig drunk sorry I quit this must be a job for drunken dam man out there somewhere.

Drunk
Category: Funny

Got to the party and I knew it was true this is the party of all parties I'm telling you dudes. So many partiers partying so totally partying all partied up falling over drunk and that kinda stuff. I came to the party to get partied myself and with so many others I was having my doubts.The doubt was what for liquor was gonna be left. I wasn't sure I'd get drunk but figured I'd try my best. So I did and accomplished my goal now I'm at the computer all drunken writing this post. Ye HA!!

Don't Let Your Guard Down
Category: Funny

To many torpedos have sunk to many ships. I know how it feels to be torpedoed. It has happened to me to many times. Once when I was sailing along minding my business wham! bam! out of no where comes torpedo number one. While I was getting my bearings slam! Torpedo number to hits. Devastated I looked for an avenue of escape but there was none. My only recourse was to go on the offensive. I plowed towards the other ship guns blazing budalam! budalam! budalam! The other ship retreating victory in my grasp the fourth torpedo hit, bam!, slam! my battle ship was sunk and I kinda thunk never again will I let my guard down.

Detramental Health
Category: Funny

People come to me and they quiver. I know the reason. There afraid. Ya and I'd be afraid too cause my detramental health could be the end of you fool.

Craigslist Is For Losers
Category: Funny

Craigslist is for losers. I believe in old time advertising. That is I stand outside of my house on the street corner ringing a cowbell and shouting at the neighbors. Its very successful marketing strategy people often buy my shit just to shut me up. I just feel on Craigslist its to easy to be ignored.

Coming To The End
Category: Funny

This is the end of the beginning. When the beginning ends you know its time to get moving. Your in the middle and the middle is where everything happens. Then after the middle comes the end. The end is the winding down. When you get to the end you will wish you where at the beginning or the middle any where but the end. The end is slow. A lot slower than the middle or end. You may find yourself wondering how the end got here so fast and now its going so slow. Once its over you will find yourself wishing you where still at the end. Not the end end though where you are the beginning of the end where you where before.

Close Minded
Category: Funny

People stay open hoping ya know that eventually that openess will help them all grow. Thats where I come in I'm so fucking closed and I don't wanna grow. Growing is slow believe me I know. I'd rather just be my close minded self.

Class
Category: Funny

This is a class on Gazooky. If you already know about Gazooky then you know this class is the number one class in the country. Anybody who wants to register for this class must somehow make me laugh. You must be hysterically funny as I don't laugh easy. Anybody that makes me laugh will be registered with a free pass to the class. In the class we will be chewing gum with a lot of talking. You will learn how to keep the gum from falling out of your mouth. Anybody who is an expert at talking while chewing is invited to become an instructor and congratulations on mastering the first half of Gazooky!

Changing The Future With The Present
Category: Funny

I look to the future and I come to the past. The past that dictates everything that happens in the future and can never be changed. Therefor one can only change the future in the present.

Computer Problems
Category: Funny

Got a mushed computer. Its all mashed up. If you know how to fix a computer that's been mashed and mushed please email me. Sorry I can't give more details but I'm using the mashed mushed computer to post this and its tough. If you have ever typed on a mashed mushed computer you know what I'm talking about. If not just picture mashed and mooshed potatoes all over the place there man. That is what this computer is. Anyway I can pay but not a lot I own a parking meter that doesn't pay that much. So pay is likely to be in change. Mostly quarters, dimes and nickels no pennies.

Your moving slow
Category: Funny

People often call upon me to ask "why the heck does life move so fast?" So I answer "is life moving fast or are you going slow get out of your rocking chair. Come on baby Lets go!!!"

Whistling
Category: Funny

When I'm feeling down I like to whistle. Real loud and real quite too. So quite I can't hear myself and so loud everybody can hear me. If you hear me whistling you will know I'm depressed and upset. Don't try to cheer me up it won't work. When I'm whistling the outside world doesn't appeal to me I'm to involved in whistling to care. I can get so absorbed in whistling its like the whistle is absorbed through parts of my body and I start to move along with the tune. A lot of times I find my self dancing while I whistle. If you like to dance come by while I'm whistling I'll blow you a tune you can dance too. If you think you whistle good I'll out whistle ya. Positive of it.

The one
Category: Funny

There comes a time in one's life when one must say to one "one you've done all you can do the rests up to you" Nows one of those times. Man the pressure is on but I'm stepping up to the plate I'm gonna hit it out of the park. Bet your wondering what I'm referring to. I'm referring to this blog post. How did I do?

The Ideal Date
Category: Funny

The date shouldn't be taken for granted. People who go on dates just for something to do are dumb. If your looking for something to do go to the movies with somebody you like not somebody you don't even know. To me a date should be more like an interview. Your not gonna get a chance to interview somebody in the middle of a movie. People who bring their date to the movies, loud clubs or loud concerts have something to hide. If your looking to hide stay home.
Me I like to take my date to a shrink and let the shrink tell us if we are compatible. I mean a shrink ought to know. Its his job and field of study. Not only that if the shrink says we are compatible after the interrogation and it doesn't work out in six months to a year at least we will have somebody to blame besides ourselves. If your down with this then lets say me you and a shrink Saturday night?

The Cool of Me
Category: Funny

I walk through the hills to the place that I know I got thier and realized I'm very unslow. Why the fucks that? Just imagine the truth me sitting their imagining dude. I imagine myself being all cool and thinking I'm the coolest already you fool. You know somebody cooler? Man not really man no and thats when realized I was very unslow.

About My Blogging
Category: Funny

Man some people think I'm Super Man. They expect me to leap tall buildings and all that jazz. Sorry its me no super powers and at best average athletic skills. Man you better call somebody else. I know you needed me today but i am not gonna make a fool of myself trying to win this thing. I know people have told you I'm good and I am but not that good. Yes I'm afraid to say I do not live up to the hype. Sorry but its a disappointment even I have to live with.
 

My Popularity
Category: Funny

Damn am I popular. You wouldn't think so but you'd be wrong I'm the most popular guy I know. If you count chickens you would be a chicken counter. If your popular you would be as cool as me . Anyway why am I so popular? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Must be the coolness of me. I mean seriously people love me. Come on you know you do. I'm hear for a reason,I am. and thats to be the most popular man. The whole reason for my being is being popular.I wasn't this popular in high school but hell high school sucked to much homework. To many other popular people. I hate competition. Now all I gotta do is compete with my wife and I'm winning! I'm winning.

My Funeral
Category: Funny

About the hearse. I wanna pick out my hearse so everybody knows and also pick out my clothes. So everybody knows what I'll be driving in and what I'll be wearing. This may not seem important to you but I wanna know I'm gonna look good and be traveling in style. When you do go you only go once and for me once probably just isn't enough. You wanna be banging on that special day so bangingingly banged out peolple say "hey!". Is he dead or still happening man. Even when dead I'll have lots of fans. Come to my funeral if you want to see the most hipping'est, tripping'est, happening'est me.

Moneky Nuts
Category: Funny

There once was a monkey. Well hell there was alot of monkies. All named monkey. not sure who the hell named them but it was somebody so I called them monkey as well. Anyway these monkys they where playing around and swinging from trees and monkey said to monkey. "Hey Monkey can you swing like these" he said pointing to the other ones nuts so that monkey shook his nuts too. While both monkeys where swinging there nuts a third monkey came and said you two stop with the nuts. Neither stopped. So the third monkey grabbed the two nuts and squeezed. Both monkies screamed and it was completely nuts.

Miscellenious
Category: Funny

The point of life.
People ask me all the time what is the point of life. I am pretty sure where here because no place else would take is. Yup the world is made up of leftovers. Kinda like when your the last one picked for dodge ball. Those people who could dodge went on to better places. So if you wish to move on after this you better learn to duck....

Me vs. Spiderman
Where do we go now. I wanna know well where do we go. Here we all stay but going ain’t easy its tough. the tougher it gets the funnier I am and when I say I’m funny you better believe its true. I’m seriously one very very funny dude. What makes me so is this. People wanna know who I am right? Well I tell them I’m spider man and then I prove it. I fly planes over buildings I ride in automobiles and I sit in chairs. all the stuff spidey does. Hey if it where true that spidey was cool I’d be even cooler than spider man and I guarantee he’d be my number one fan.
Look about that spider man stuff just forget it I gotta admit that shit was pathetic. Theirs no way I could be as cool as a guy who thinks hes a spider but here’s just a reminder he was a guy before he became cool which means someday I could be a spider man too.

A little about me.
I'm a person. I look kinda funny but my funny looks are cool. If your down with funny looking people I'm a person you should be down with. I like to read and sing when I'm reading. If you like to sing and read try the two together. There is something so magical about it. I'm not looking to hook up. I'm already hooked.
I like all kinds of computers but mostly calculators. I can play with a calculator for days on end. Calculating random things from people who snore to people who drive drunk to people who don't drive because they drove drunk. The best calculator is the TI83 graphing calculator because after I calculate I can graph my results. The graphing is cool and all but the TI83 doesn't easily graph. Actually graphing with that thing can become a pain in the ass.
I like cars the faster the better. My car isn't that fast and I wish it was cause I'm constantly late.
Anyway enough about me let me tell you about my fish. I have two. Their names are Jacob and Goliath. Jacob is a trouble maker and likes to chase Goliath around the bowl. Goliath is Siamese fighting fish. Jacob is a minnow I been saving till spring for bait when I go fishing. Their both orphans because I ate thier families the poor little guys. Anyways if you would like to adopt either fish email me as soon as possible. I promise the adoption fees will be small and their both good fish. Well behaved and all.

Sobriety Check Point.
A place you can write articles and comments. Please check your sobriety at the door. If your F'd up and wanna share please share hear. Here I am writing this article and I realize I'm not wasted myself. Damn leave it to me to break my own cardinal rule

Some perv..
I just want to warn some of you there's been internet flashing going on. If you see a man in a trench coat lurking around please report him. Its your duty!

Old School vs. New School
I'm from the old school and by that I mean a school that is old. If you know the school I'm referring to you are probably from the old school too. Now if I was an old schooler and I new that the new schoolers where gonna be moving in I would have laughed. What a joke are the kids from this new school. They say kids today are smarter but that's not true cause when your an old school schooled person you know its not that there smarter its just what they teach you and I was taught that no matter what never be stupid. Now I wasn't ever stupid but alot of kids where. Mostly kids from the new school. There on drugs there getting pregnant younger and younger and they spend the whole day texting and sexting now that to me is pretty dumb. Not the sexting that sounds fun but the part that's dumb is hmmmm... lets see. Man now I'm pissed! These lucky little bastards.

I have a dog named Brownie and Brownie isn't really like a dog. Brownie is like a real person and when where together its like two unique individuals who are a lot alike. I'm actually more like Brownie than he is like me. I eat out of his dish on the floor more than he eats off my plate on the table. That's good because his manners suck. Always farting and burping slurping and chewing loud. I myself am too proud to do that kind of stuff. Enough about Brownie I'm not suppose to talk shit about him. If I do he starts talking shit about me and it gets really ugly.

I'm different
Category: Funny
Tags: I'm different

So whats up? If your down with people that are different you should get to know me. I'm as different as they come. I'm trying not to sound dumb but how stupid do I sound obviously I'm not the exact same as everybody else. When you think of me though I don't want you to think I dress funny or look funny cause I said I was different. Cause i don't do either of those things. I'm just a different kind of person with a different kinda mentality. I like to think outside the box. A lot of people can't manage to get themselves out of the box and become very distraught. Being inside that box is crazy and causes box dwellers to become extremely cagey. I'm glad I finally escaped from it. If your one of those people who are still in the box and you wanna get out ask me cause I know how.
Anyway besides being different I'm very caring and when I say caring it means I care. I really do. So if you are in that box I promise I can help you out. Its not like I'm this box escaping ninja or something but getting out can be tricky. If you wanna get to know me don't check my box cause I'm not there I told ya. You too can be free like me all it takes is perseverance and a couple of years of guidance.

The guy with one eye
Category: Funny

I got one eye. Well actually two but I only got eyes or one eye for you. The other eye man its rather dam slow cause the other eye ain't working not really cause its broken. That is why I'll be your guy if you only would go for a guy with one eye.

getting crazy
Category: Funny

This is the time when I get kinda crazy. Try and stop me.

Funny Thing
Category: Funny

Heres the funny thing about funny things. I had a funny thing that was funny. It was with a girl that didn't know me. I didn't know her she didn't know me and some people would say thats kind of funny. But the funny part was the break up. I had to call her and say hi this is somebody so and so and we're through. She cried real hard it was really rough. the moral of the story is don't try to break up with a girl who doesn't know you. She'll want to meet. However if you do have to do this better not to meet just do it over the phone. Trust me. Been through it so many times that I ought to know. I loved a lot of girls I never met and I'm sure they all love me. Most of the girls where on tv and when ever they would see me they would smile. Not just your everyday smile that you would get from a girl off the street but a big happy smile that you would only get from a girl on tv..

Now everyday when I think of myself I have to laugh just a little because I'm funny and I don't mean funny funny I mean funny cool and its so funny how much cooler I am than you. Don't try to ease your coolness to my coolness level cause a fellow I know tried to be as cool as me once and he actually ended up a big block of ice. When he thawed he admitted that its totally true he said Matt I could never ever be as cool as you dude. And I agreed him cool as me good luck he actually froze and thats gotta suck.

Now I'm a fun guy and to be totally true I'm a much funner guy than you. even the cool of me's fun and I know that its true you can't ever be funner than the cool of me too. Go head and try you'd probably die and you have a better chance of rounding off pie.

Fighting With Billy
Category: Funny

Going home last night I got in a fight. With who you might ask. With Bill thats friggin who. Goddamn Billy all he does is pick on me. Last week he stole all my milk money. This week he blackened my eye. One of these days that son of bitch Billy is going to pay. Why cause he's such a son of a bitch. I'm gonna get ya billy. I'm gonna get ya.

Don't Quit
Category: Funny

Today is the day. What happened was nuts to many people cheering for us We almost got home we where out straight and flat never damn caring if we ever looked back. When I was farther than I ever thought I would get I liked laughing about the part when I thought I would quit. If your a quitter and you know your unslow just keep on going you'll eventually get home.

Ride to share
Category: Funny

Yes sharing a ride that goes nowhere. The ride doesn't run but its still tons of fun. If you wanna go for a ride in an automobile that doesn't go call me ya know. I can take you nowhere like nobody else can. I'm the nobody else man with the broken down truck that just sits in one spot and its totally nuts. Once you been in it there's nothing quite like it unless you have sat in one spot for a very long time then you have never been in a truck quite like mine. I got room for a few more in this piece of junk truck and we can all ride together. Riders must chip in for gas. The going rate is 4 dollars a gallon and its a gallon every half hour if the truck moves or not. Which it doesn't.

Me, Myself and I
Category: Funny

Me, Myself, and I

Music:
    My favorite song is "Lose yourself in the lostness.
Movies:
    My favorite movie is me taping me. I did it in the mirror and its truly exquisite
Sports:
    Football and fantasy foozball.
Scared Of:
    People who attack other people.
Happiest When:
    I'm happy when your happy.
go crazy when
    when I find a penny in the street. I dance scream and jump for joy.
Also like to:
    watch the moon and howl.

Back in the day
Category: Funny

From back in the day to my greatest dismay many a people I haven't seen. I haven't seen Jimmy or Betty or Sue, Tommy, Richie or Eddie Fondue. I haven't seen so many people where did they go. Honestly baby when I'm in the know and see someone I knew I ask all kinds of questions about what happen to who. "Yo remeber that guy Eddie Fondue." "Oh I certainly do." what happened to him?" "Oh he married Kim but the two of them split" Thats when I have a fit." Eddie was cool what she do cheat on him?" "Oh I really don't know I haven't seen him in years my own self ya know so." "Man poor Eddie." "Ya Ya I know." "What about somebody so and so though?" Ya I remember so and so." "Ya what happend to him?" "Actually now he's married to Kim" and it goes on like this until I talked about everyone I once did know and to be honest with ya all its pretty dam slow.

About Me
Category: Funny

I rock but I don't throw stones. If you wanna be my friend you have to prove your usefulness or my usefulness to you. Contrary to what most people believe I believe we make friends out of necessity not by chance and convenience. If you don't agree don't bother trying to set me straight I am the most stubborn donkey you will ever meet. If your looking for a boyfriend I'm not your type. I'm the guy your mother warned you about. Not that I'm abusive in anyway but I'm definitely not the marrying kind. Those of you who wanna get to know me to see if you can be useful call me. Or have your people call my people. If you really wanna help I could use ya. I'm sorry if I offend anybody with this profile but hey I talk fact not fiction and fantasy. If you live in a fantasy world I know you won't agree. Anybody who agrees with me has got to be down to earth. So get your head out of the clouds and read this again from the beginning.

A Poor Jay
Category: Funny

While walking through the park whistling I came across a Jay. Well that's what it was a Jay. I thought does this Jay know how to fly? Being the nice guy that I am I picked it up and threw it into the air. The jay crashed down causing me much worry. What on earth do I do now? So I took the Jay home and have been feeding him birdseed and worms. I have tried to demonstrate flying to him many times by running around flapping my arms in his presence. I think he is starting to catch on. I can tell because his look of confusion and being dumbfound when I do this has changed to a look of understanding. Tomorrow to simulate the way a mother Jay teaches her birds to fly by pushing them out of the nest I am going to climb a tall tree and drop her. This may sound harsh to some but I am devastated over having to do this. I really hope the Jay flies. Although this is going to be hard on both of us I have been reading books on tough love and I really think this is the best way. If you have any advice on bringing up a baby bird or even a toddler who was a slow walker I could really use your advice. Thanks.

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