The one

There comes a time in one's life when one must say to one "one you've done all you can do the rests up to you" Nows one of those times. Man the pressure is on but I'm stepping up to the plate I'm gonna hit it out of the park. Bet your wondering what I'm referring to. I'm referring to this blog post. How did I do?

The Ideal Date Tags: dating

The date shouldn't be taken for granted. People who go on dates just for something to do are dumb. If your looking for something to do go to the movies with somebody you like not somebody you don't even know. To me a date should be more like an interview. Your not gonna get a chance to interview somebody in the middle of a movie. People who bring their date to the movies, loud clubs or loud concerts have something to hide. If your looking to hide stay home.
Me I like to take my date to a shrink and let the shrink tell us if we are compatible. I mean a shrink ought to know. Its his job and field of study. Not only that if the shrink says we are compatible after the interrogation and it doesn't work out in six months to a year at least we will have somebody to blame besides ourselves. If your down with this then lets say me you and a shrink Saturday night?


The Cool of Me

I walk through the hills to the place that I know I got thier and realized I'm very unslow. Why the fucks that? Just imagine the truth me sitting their imagining dude. I imagine myself being all cool and thinking I'm the coolest already you fool. You know somebody cooler? Man not really man no and thats when realized I was very unslow.

About My Blogging

Man some people think I'm Super Man. They expect me to leap tall buildings and all that jazz. Sorry its me no super powers and at best average athletic skills. Man you better call somebody else. I know you needed me today but i am not gonna make a fool of myself trying to win this thing. I know people have told you I'm good and I am but not that good. Yes I'm afraid to say I do not live up to the hype. Sorry but its a disappointment even I have to live with.

My Popularity

Damn am I popular. You wouldn't think so but you'd be wrong I'm the most popular guy I know. If you count chickens you would be a chicken counter. If your popular you would be as cool as me . Anyway why am I so popular? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Must be the coolness of me. I mean seriously people love me. Come on you know you do. I'm hear for a reason,I am. and thats to be the most popular man. The whole reason for my being is being popular.I wasn't this popular in high school but hell high school sucked to much homework. To many other popular people. I hate competition. Now all I gotta do is compete with my wife and I'm winning! I'm winning.

My Funeral

About the hearse. I wanna pick out my hearse so everybody knows and also pick out my clothes. So everybody knows what I'll be driving in and what I'll be wearing. This may not seem important to you but I wanna know I'm gonna look good and be traveling in style. When you do go you only go once and for me once probably just isn't enough. You wanna be banging on that special day so bangingingly banged out peolple say "hey!". Is he dead or still happening man. Even when dead I'll have lots of fans. Come to my funeral if you want to see the most hipping'est, tripping'est, happening'est me.

Moneky Nuts

There once was a monkey. Well hell there was alot of monkies. All named monkey. not sure who the hell named them but it was somebody so I called them monkey as well. Anyway these monkys they where playing around and swinging from trees and monkey said to monkey. "Hey Monkey can you swing like these" he said pointing to the other ones nuts so that monkey shook his nuts too. While both monkeys where swinging there nuts a third monkey came and said you two stop with the nuts. Neither stopped. So the third monkey grabbed the two nuts and squeezed. Both monkies screamed and it was completely nuts.


The point of life.
People ask me all the time what is the point of life. I am pretty sure where here because no place else would take is. Yup the world is made up of leftovers. Kinda like when your the last one picked for dodge ball. Those people who could dodge went on to better places. So if you wish to move on after this you better learn to duck....

Me vs. Spiderman
Where do we go now. I wanna know well where do we go. Here we all stay but going ain’t easy its tough. the tougher it gets the funnier I am and when I say I’m funny you better believe its true. I’m seriously one very very funny dude. What makes me so is this. People wanna know who I am right? Well I tell them I’m spider man and then I prove it. I fly planes over buildings I ride in automobiles and I sit in chairs. all the stuff spidey does. Hey if it where true that spidey was cool I’d be even cooler than spider man and I guarantee he’d be my number one fan.
Look about that spider man stuff just forget it I gotta admit that shit was pathetic. Theirs no way I could be as cool as a guy who thinks hes a spider but here’s just a reminder he was a guy before he became cool which means someday I could be a spider man too.

A little about me.
I'm a person. I look kinda funny but my funny looks are cool. If your down with funny looking people I'm a person you should be down with. I like to read and sing when I'm reading. If you like to sing and read try the two together. There is something so magical about it. I'm not looking to hook up. I'm already hooked.
I like all kinds of computers but mostly calculators. I can play with a calculator for days on end. Calculating random things from people who snore to people who drive drunk to people who don't drive because they drove drunk. The best calculator is the TI83 graphing calculator because after I calculate I can graph my results. The graphing is cool and all but the TI83 doesn't easily graph. Actually graphing with that thing can become a pain in the ass.
I like cars the faster the better. My car isn't that fast and I wish it was cause I'm constantly late.
Anyway enough about me let me tell you about my fish. I have two. Their names are Jacob and Goliath. Jacob is a trouble maker and likes to chase Goliath around the bowl. Goliath is Siamese fighting fish. Jacob is a minnow I been saving till spring for bait when I go fishing. Their both orphans because I ate thier families the poor little guys. Anyways if you would like to adopt either fish email me as soon as possible. I promise the adoption fees will be small and their both good fish. Well behaved and all.

Sobriety Check Point.
A place you can write articles and comments. Please check your sobriety at the door. If your F'd up and wanna share please share hear. Here I am writing this article and I realize I'm not wasted myself. Damn leave it to me to break my own cardinal rule

Some perv..
I just want to warn some of you there's been internet flashing going on. If you see a man in a trench coat lurking around please report him. Its your duty!

Old School vs. New School
I'm from the old school and by that I mean a school that is old. If you know the school I'm referring to you are probably from the old school too. Now if I was an old schooler and I new that the new schoolers where gonna be moving in I would have laughed. What a joke are the kids from this new school. They say kids today are smarter but that's not true cause when your an old school schooled person you know its not that there smarter its just what they teach you and I was taught that no matter what never be stupid. Now I wasn't ever stupid but alot of kids where. Mostly kids from the new school. There on drugs there getting pregnant younger and younger and they spend the whole day texting and sexting now that to me is pretty dumb. Not the sexting that sounds fun but the part that's dumb is hmmmm... lets see. Man now I'm pissed! These lucky little bastards.

I have a dog named Brownie and Brownie isn't really like a dog. Brownie is like a real person and when where together its like two unique individuals who are a lot alike. I'm actually more like Brownie than he is like me. I eat out of his dish on the floor more than he eats off my plate on the table. That's good because his manners suck. Always farting and burping slurping and chewing loud. I myself am too proud to do that kind of stuff. Enough about Brownie I'm not suppose to talk shit about him. If I do he starts talking shit about me and it gets really ugly.

I'm different Tags: I'm different

So whats up? If your down with people that are different you should get to know me. I'm as different as they come. I'm trying not to sound dumb but how stupid do I sound obviously I'm not the exact same as everybody else. When you think of me though I don't want you to think I dress funny or look funny cause I said I was different. Cause i don't do either of those things. I'm just a different kind of person with a different kinda mentality. I like to think outside the box. A lot of people can't manage to get themselves out of the box and become very distraught. Being inside that box is crazy and causes box dwellers to become extremely cagey. I'm glad I finally escaped from it. If your one of those people who are still in the box and you wanna get out ask me cause I know how.
Anyway besides being different I'm very caring and when I say caring it means I care. I really do. So if you are in that box I promise I can help you out. Its not like I'm this box escaping ninja or something but getting out can be tricky. If you wanna get to know me don't check my box cause I'm not there I told ya. You too can be free like me all it takes is perseverance and a couple of years of guidance.

The guy with one eye

I got one eye. Well actually two but I only got eyes or one eye for you. The other eye man its rather dam slow cause the other eye ain't working not really cause its broken. That is why I'll be your guy if you only would go for a guy with one eye.

getting crazy

This is the time when I get kinda crazy. Try and stop me.

Funny Thing

Heres the funny thing about funny things. I had a funny thing that was funny. It was with a girl that didn't know me. I didn't know her she didn't know me and some people would say thats kind of funny. But the funny part was the break up. I had to call her and say hi this is somebody so and so and we're through. She cried real hard it was really rough. the moral of the story is don't try to break up with a girl who doesn't know you. She'll want to meet. However if you do have to do this better not to meet just do it over the phone. Trust me. Been through it so many times that I ought to know. I loved a lot of girls I never met and I'm sure they all love me. Most of the girls where on tv and when ever they would see me they would smile. Not just your everyday smile that you would get from a girl off the street but a big happy smile that you would only get from a girl on tv..

Now everyday when I think of myself I have to laugh just a little because I'm funny and I don't mean funny funny I mean funny cool and its so funny how much cooler I am than you. Don't try to ease your coolness to my coolness level cause a fellow I know tried to be as cool as me once and he actually ended up a big block of ice. When he thawed he admitted that its totally true he said Matt I could never ever be as cool as you dude. And I agreed him cool as me good luck he actually froze and thats gotta suck.

Now I'm a fun guy and to be totally true I'm a much funner guy than you. even the cool of me's fun and I know that its true you can't ever be funner than the cool of me too. Go head and try you'd probably die and you have a better chance of rounding off pie.

From the highway of hell Tags: highway to hell

From the highway of hell. I can't tell which highway I'm riding its going and going and going unslow and where it ends up I never will know. I run through the forest I climb through the trees I swing from the branches like I'm on the flying trapeze. Where the heck am I going knowbody knows but lately I'm moving very unslow. So where can you find me with the greatest of eaze obviously baby through the lastest of breeze. I run with the wind I move with the sound I thunder and rumble as the worlds going round. I go faster than lightning I move rather fast and I never look back upon my fast moving past. The pasts moving faster the future unslow and where I'll end up I never will know.


Fighting With Billy

Going home last night I got in a fight. With who you might ask. With Bill thats friggin who. Goddamn Billy all he does is pick on me. Last week he stole all my milk money. This week he blackened my eye. One of these days that son of bitch Billy is going to pay. Why cause he's such a son of a bitch. I'm gonna get ya billy. I'm gonna get ya.

Don't Quit

Today is the day. What happened was nuts to many people cheering for us We almost got home we where out straight and flat never damn caring if we ever looked back. When I was farther than I ever thought I would get I liked laughing about the part when I thought I would quit. If your a quitter and you know your unslow just keep on going you'll eventually get home.

Ride to share

Yes sharing a ride that goes nowhere. The ride doesn't run but its still tons of fun. If you wanna go for a ride in an automobile that doesn't go call me ya know. I can take you nowhere like nobody else can. I'm the nobody else man with the broken down truck that just sits in one spot and its totally nuts. Once you been in it there's nothing quite like it unless you have sat in one spot for a very long time then you have never been in a truck quite like mine. I got room for a few more in this piece of junk truck and we can all ride together. Riders must chip in for gas. The going rate is 4 dollars a gallon and its a gallon every half hour if the truck moves or not. Which it doesn't.

Me, Myself and I

Me, Myself, and I

    My favorite song is "Lose yourself in the lostness.
    My favorite movie is me taping me. I did it in the mirror and its truly exquisite
    Football and fantasy foozball.
Scared Of:
    People who attack other people.
Happiest When:
    I'm happy when your happy.
go crazy when
    when I find a penny in the street. I dance scream and jump for joy.
Also like to:
    watch the moon and howl.

Back in the day

From back in the day to my greatest dismay many a people I haven't seen. I haven't seen Jimmy or Betty or Sue, Tommy, Richie or Eddie Fondue. I haven't seen so many people where did they go. Honestly baby when I'm in the know and see someone I knew I ask all kinds of questions about what happen to who. "Yo remeber that guy Eddie Fondue." "Oh I certainly do." what happened to him?" "Oh he married Kim but the two of them split" Thats when I have a fit." Eddie was cool what she do cheat on him?" "Oh I really don't know I haven't seen him in years my own self ya know so." "Man poor Eddie." "Ya Ya I know." "What about somebody so and so though?" Ya I remember so and so." "Ya what happend to him?" "Actually now he's married to Kim" and it goes on like this until I talked about everyone I once did know and to be honest with ya all its pretty dam slow.

About Me

I rock but I don't throw stones. If you wanna be my friend you have to prove your usefulness or my usefulness to you. Contrary to what most people believe I believe we make friends out of necessity not by chance and convenience. If you don't agree don't bother trying to set me straight I am the most stubborn donkey you will ever meet. If your looking for a boyfriend I'm not your type. I'm the guy your mother warned you about. Not that I'm abusive in anyway but I'm definitely not the marrying kind. Those of you who wanna get to know me to see if you can be useful call me. Or have your people call my people. If you really wanna help I could use ya. I'm sorry if I offend anybody with this profile but hey I talk fact not fiction and fantasy. If you live in a fantasy world I know you won't agree. Anybody who agrees with me has got to be down to earth. So get your head out of the clouds and read this again from the beginning.

A Poor Jay

While walking through the park whistling I came across a Jay. Well that's what it was a Jay. I thought does this Jay know how to fly? Being the nice guy that I am I picked it up and threw it into the air. The jay crashed down causing me much worry. What on earth do I do now? So I took the Jay home and have been feeding him birdseed and worms. I have tried to demonstrate flying to him many times by running around flapping my arms in his presence. I think he is starting to catch on. I can tell because his look of confusion and being dumbfound when I do this has changed to a look of understanding. Tomorrow to simulate the way a mother Jay teaches her birds to fly by pushing them out of the nest I am going to climb a tall tree and drop her. This may sound harsh to some but I am devastated over having to do this. I really hope the Jay flies. Although this is going to be hard on both of us I have been reading books on tough love and I really think this is the best way. If you have any advice on bringing up a baby bird or even a toddler who was a slow walker I could really use your advice. Thanks.


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