Man some people think I'm Super Man. They expect me to leap tall buildings and all that jazz. Sorry its me no super powers and at best average athletic skills. Man you better call somebody else. I know you needed me today but i am not gonna make a fool of myself trying to win this thing. I know people have told you I'm good and I am but not that good. Yes I'm afraid to say I do not live up to the hype. Sorry but its a disappointment even I have to live with.
 

Damn am I popular. You wouldn't think so but you'd be wrong I'm the most popular guy I know. If you count chickens you would be a chicken counter. If your popular you would be as cool as me . Anyway why am I so popular? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Must be the coolness of me. I mean seriously people love me. Come on you know you do. I'm hear for a reason,I am. and thats to be the most popular man. The whole reason for my being is being popular.I wasn't this popular in high school but hell high school sucked to much homework. To many other popular people. I hate competition. Now all I gotta do is compete with my wife and I'm winning! I'm winning.

About the hearse. I wanna pick out my hearse so everybody knows and also pick out my clothes. So everybody knows what I'll be driving in and what I'll be wearing. This may not seem important to you but I wanna know I'm gonna look good and be traveling in style. When you do go you only go once and for me once probably just isn't enough. You wanna be banging on that special day so bangingingly banged out peolple say "hey!". Is he dead or still happening man. Even when dead I'll have lots of fans. Come to my funeral if you want to see the most hipping'est, tripping'est, happening'est me.